Monday, February 8, 2010

Feeling like a rag doll

Pain level: 5/6
Dislocations so far today: nothing yet, but a ton of near misses
Subluxations so far today: right shoulder a bunch of times, left elbow twice, right elbow once.
Meds: Naproxen, hardcore dose
Major complaint: stiffness and throbbing pain in my hands, joints feeling extra loose today.

I'm feeling really off today.  The pain isn't that much worse than normal.  It's not an easy day pain-wise, but by no means at a level that would explain how awful I feel. 

But my joints feel like they are about to fall out of place constantly today.  It feels like my bones are just rattling around in their sockets, held in with just one flimsy string.  Snapping and cracking more than usual.  But what's really giving me trouble is how many times today I'm almost dislocated my joints doing practically nothing.  Almost dislocated my elbows several times today getting dressed.  Nearly dislocated my hip twice today just moving around.  I can feel the joints slipping and I have to quickly stop whatever the hell I'm doing to give the joint more stability fast before I end up with a dislocation and all the trauma/pain that comes with.  It leaves me anxious to do anything, worried of what my body will do.

I guess the real problem today is fear.  I'm scared because my joints feel so loose that my next move will make me fall even more apart.  So it has me concentrating all the more on how I move and what I do.  M says I'm being very "internal" today, and I guess she's right.  I'm just trying to keep my limbs in place so I forget about the rest of the world.  I really hate feeling this way: like my brain is putting all its energy into maintaining my condition--I prefer it when that's just a side hobby and living my life is my brain's main job.  But today doesn't feel like that at all.

Hand stiffness using middle finger as a measure.
Time: 7:05 PM
Can touch forearm? Yes.
Angle of extension of center joint of finger: 90º
Angle of extension of last joint of finger: 115º
Can touch forearm? No.
Angle of extension of center joint of finger: 80º 

Angle of extension of last joint of finger: 105º

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