Sunday, March 7, 2010

What a few words of faith can do

Pain level: 4/5
Dislocations so far today: left elbow once
Subluxations so far today: Right shoulder a couple of times,  right index finger once.
Meds: meloxicam--1 tablet.
Major complaint: more stiffness/pain/swelling in the joints of my hand (R>L)  Also in my feet and wrists

Sorry I've been absent.  I had a spell of actually starting to freak out about the possibility of my having a full blown autoimmune disease, and it was better that I just ignore some of this stuff for a while.  Doing better now though.

The bad news:  I woke up today unable to make a fist again.  I had taken my meloxicam like normal last night, but the stiffness was much much worse in my fingers on both hands, and my right had was pretty immobilized.  I could still bend my fingers, just not all the way down.  Don't have to say this, but I will--This worries me.  I'm worried that the NSAID's have just stopped working--or are no longer as effective.  I'm scared that whatever this new thing is that is happening to my joints is just progressing so much so that the meds are working fine but this is how much worse the condition has grown.  I'm worried about how my joints would actually feel if I didn't have the meloxicam.  

The pain in my finger-joints wasn't as bad today as without the meds, which is good.  But I am starting to get that same pain in my wrists and feet.  In the morning, when I move my toes, the front half of my foot turns bright white--as though I have hives or a really bad sunburn.  I'm ready to know what's wrong.  I just hope that tomorrow morning I wake up with the meds working well again and I can brush today off as a fluke.

Raynaud's has been crazy-bad recently.  Today I lost all but my two thumbs for a long time until I could get the blood flowing again.  Even then, it came back in patches, which looked really odd--like my hands were spotted with red and white splotches.   Keeps happening a few times a day and it seems like it takes longer and longer to get feeling back.

We went to a party the other night with a bunch of friends.  We dressed up to the 9's and beyond which was funny since I'm usually a tomboy.  My friend told me that I shouldn't worry so much--that even though he keeps hearing that the doctors are finding more and more wrong with me, that every time he sees me, I keep looking stronger and stronger.  I was really surprised how much that affected me.  I don't feel stronger.  I emotionally feel worse than I did a year ago.  Physically, about the same just different.  But knowing that my friends are confident that I will be stronger than whatever this is, really makes me feel like I need to be and can be.  Like I'm doing a good enough job faking it that they still have faith in me, so maybe I have the strength for it not to be a show.
Hand stiffness using middle finger has measure
Time: 7:31 PM
Can touch forearm?  Just barely--and OW!  That made most of my finger turn bright white too!
Angle of extension of the center joint of finger: 60º
Angle of extension of the last joint of finger: 120º
Can touch forearm? not even close and MAN! that hurts!! same whiteness on this finger.
Angle of extension of the center joint of finger: 50º
Angle of extension of the last joint of finger: 110º 

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